My mate for he was doon a bit
Aside a workie wha smelled like shit
Masel had an old cockney inches fea me
Way stained shirt on fae tippled tea
And there I was, packed tight and thin
Wi girl in front face loved only by kin
And bloke behind wi suit and tie
So packed I thought I was gonna die
And so this hellish London tribe
Stood back as tin snake did open side
And mare squished in tay bellie fou
Well fit mare in yea couldnay do
As Jesus fed 4000 stood there
Wiay jist ane fish for aw their fare
LU managed anither miraculous thing
For 4000 travellers were crowded in
Am tellin yea its hell abound
Wa deils an witches crowded round
The heat the stoor the smell the stench
Down in the London laberinth
Like pip birsting out o' a grape
I held my guts to similar fate
And the worst that was I payed a fare
Ta stand and grown and sweat down there
Let this a lesson to ya a'
Fir if in London you ever ca'
An if doon in the drains ye go
A toilet you will ne'er know
For a the jiggling don't you see
Means aw the legs are crossed fir pee
An ne'er get off at Bank non workday
Fir releif you wilna find till monday
Well London I can safely say
Ye can stick yer underground railway
A rather go an catch ony bus
or yon taxi that passes us
I wilna travel the sardine tin
Way hellish suits a' crowded in
Well maybe its worth another look
Until ma travel pass runs oot!
Gordon Taylor