This language we call English
Can be confusing when
We see it from the stranger's point of view;
There are so many oddities in our pronunciation
That I thought I'd try to demonstrate a few.
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Do you find English difficult?
I don't suppose you do;
The student coming here to learn
Won't feel the same as you!
He'll find it TOUGH to SORT it out
When he's TAUGHT words like SOUGHT,
For THOUGH they're in the diction'ry
They're never what he THOUGHT.
We make ENOUGH sound stern and GRUFF,
And SLOUGH rhymes with it too,
But who THOUGHT BOUGH would rhyme with COW,
And THROUGH would sound like STEW?
He didn't SCOFF when he learned COUGH!
He didn't quail and SHAKE,
To calm his nerves, build up reserves,
He took a coffee BREAK.
I sensed his desperation,
I soon defined his PLIGHT,
And so I THOUGHT to help him out
In verses I could WRITE.
But what a FIGHT to do it RIGHT!
To WRITE this helpful verse?
It's just a RITE - the poet's PLIGHT,
A word-WRIGHT'S constant curse!
The task was FRAUGHT with danger
Even THOUGH I'd learned it well:
Just pity the poor stranger,
And his language coach as well.
One desperate student, homeward bound
One evening after college,
Upon a billboard there , he found
A sign to test his knowledge.
Of Oscar winners he was told--
--Academy Largesse--
It stated there, in letters bold--
AWARDS PRONOUNCED SUCCESS
He shot himself!
Don Mulford