I'll tell yer of what 'appened as I walked along me way
Through the local park out on a bright an' sunny day
I chance upon a friend of mine, a friend who's far from poor
A gentleman who earns his crust by practicing the law
'e's wearing his black gown and wig, as if 'e were mid case
But most of all 'e wears a grimace right across his face
I thinks 'Now, is the problem, that me old mate's just so tense
From arguing, soliciting and totting up expense'
So I says to 'im, 'What's brought you down to this poor state of grace
That has you wearing this 'uge frown, why right across yer face?'
Now it aint often you see a lawyer gag and nearly choke
As he says Its them scientists, those blokes in them white coats
They're buying up the lawyers, the ladies and the gents
And putting us in mazes for their weird experiments
Now I'm all shocked, I says to 'im 'ow could things come to that?
Aint that the sort of thing for which they've always used them rats?
They'd rather use solicitors than rats, those bloody voyeurs
In part because there's not as many rats as there are lawyers
What's worse..., 'e 'angs 'is 'ead and says It's sad but true
There are some things, no matter what, that a rat just will not do
So if you see a pack of lawyers, bustling in a race
You might just find one later, cheesy grin across 'is face
'e'll be the one who's fastest, smartest, or whate'er they please
Just don't ask 'im what 'e 'ad to do to get 'is brief of cheese
David Peetz