I never show my dancing skills in public
It's not that I can't dance you know,
I prefer to reserve my artistic talent
For the right place to let it show.
You see I have this fetish to dance buck naked
To be fully soaped, wet and lithe,
So I've invented a new phenomena
And now I showerdance every night.
I cheat a little with the music
And always play my Riverdance CD,
Volume up and heated fan light on
Fully soaped, I'm a sight to see.
Showergel, it's smooth and scented
'Til it gets wet and starts to slide,
Accumulating around firm, dimpled gluts
And on my well formed other side.
I always start my routine steady
With what I call the shower stretch,
Touch toes and ankles, what a sight
One eye out for the neighbourhood letch.
Bottle tops attached on rubber bands
Tap out the rhythm on the slate,
They echo to the kitchen
To the attention of my lovely mate.
She loves to come and admire me
In the showerdancing patch,
I watch her eyes move up and down
Like a spectator at a vertical tennis match.
The smell of sweat mixed with shampoo
Inspires me to feats of greater agility,
But the shower screen and ceiling ground me
And remind me of my testicle fragility.
Why no-one has cottoned onto this form of culture
Before today I'll never know,
I'll make millions travelling around the world
With the poem, movie and show.
I have visions of Showerdance merchandise
The fans will line up with their cash,
To buy soap castanets and showercaps
And photos of me doing the shower flash.
Showerdance will give Australia real culture
To share with the world but call our own,
It will show those clever European countries
That we've more than deserts and mountains to roam
And when the world gathers at cultural festivals
Our Showerdance show will raise the thunder,
For too many years we've danced in the shower
And kept hidden what we have, down under.
Robert Swales