A rat the size of a lorry
has invaded my garden shed
should I call Rentokil to evict it
or simply ignore it instead?
Rat has tattoos on his eyelids
and teeth the size of church doors
a tail that cracks like a bull whip
and fat hairy razor-sharp claws.
Cat is on antidepressants
since rat arrived on the scene
rat bullied pussy in public
now pussy has low self-esteem.
Perhaps I should try and befriend rat
feign concern and pretend that I care
feed it cheese, maybe knit it a jumper
then persuade it to move on elsewhere.
I could hire a fieldmouse femme fatale
to soften him up a bit
catch rat off guard then hit him hard
when he's least expecting it.
But why resort to violence?
It never solved a thing
the answer's clear, I'm leaving here
to go live in Beijing.
Hang on though, I think it may be going...
Stephen Cree